Well... Uh. Today's yet another day lor.
Anyways, Ng Ah Kay told us abt the lower sec's behaviour today.
And I was like: OMG you suck! Can I give up a slap!?!?!?...

I mean it's like, if I imagine myself watching S.H.E's concert...
And they're singing these really wonderful songs... Then there's all this noise and commotion around. I figure I would be UTTERLY FREAKYLY PISSED lor, I'll probably TOTALLY BLOW OFF MY TOP for once.

Whatever lar... I mean, when I DO reflect on the society and all that nowadays, I'll be like: OMG give me a break...
I mean, it's like, DESPITE how I go with the flow and adapt to people and situations most of the time, it's like there would still be this desperate voice yelling out loud deep within me, just that I kept on SUPPRESSING it... Until it blow me over sometimes...

I dunno~SOMETIMES I just don't get the way things work, and sometimes I just feel like OMG god just let me die instantly painlessly and naturally~Cuz I feel like an alien stuck on some bloody planet with all that hustle and bustle around me that makes me feel so POINTLESS & MEANINGLESS.

I dunno... But! Oh! MAN! This just reminds me of my days in CHEENA...

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Maybe I'm not THAT much of an "adapter" afterall.
I mean, even though I keep on telling myself to live 痛痛快快ing-ly... Sometimes this desperate thought just surfaces and I feel like Omg I live wishing I can pass away real fast one day~

I dunno.....

Sometimes when I read a book, I really wish I could be lost in its pages. And I love stories because when they make me engrossed I disconnect myself from reality...

And as for games I just look forward to those alternate worlds.

Etc. etc... Lar.

Oh man..... I DOOOO feel like getting away SO SERIOUSLY & BADLY.
Probably even lock and imprison myself up on some one man's island.....

But in reality, can I? ---NO!
I mean, coming to face it, life is not a fairytale. I'll have to be a REALIST despite how "dreamy" my mind could get.

I dunno lar. Sometimes when I'm caught in things and all that then all of a sudden. I would wish for some mmts in life to be eternal. It seems like a perfect escape to lose yourself in your memories... But then --- I can't. That's what makes me feel so sad MOST OF THE TIME.

There are so many things I wanna do or even dream of, but then in the end I'm still like some dumb ostrich digging her head in soil and not reaching out.

And this world is a REAL world. No matter how idealistic you may think, it IS a harsh reality out there. Man eat man. And all that survival to the fittest.

OH WHATEVER. I'll most probably be all fine and dandy by next morning anyways.
Though I still expect some sort of secret timer counting down in me and all that crap...
WELL. I DO WANT TO GET AWAY.

I mean, to some stranger land and sleep until my head drop. Or WHATSOEVER.

Till then, music, books and games are my sole solace. WHEW.
Maybe dreams too. Well sometimes when I dream of REALLY cool things I'd feel like I wanna be lost to that dream forever... I don't care abt what is real and what is fake... How do you define consciousness? And how would you know if we DO even exist at all...? (Ok but from a realist's view I'll have to tell myself: FACE it. No matter what you think, you are a living man in this world and you're not going anywhere far with all those thoughts.)... I DON'T KNOW~

AARGH! Dunno lar.
Sometimes I don't even know what kind of LIFE I'm leading.
I mean, sometimes way before exams I feel like I REALLY want to give things up, just let me go this once... And yet I have to FORCE myself to PUSH those thoughts aside and keep on "conceiving" myself just in order to sit thru' an exam and not just hand-in a blank piece of paper...

Oh DAMN!
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Fine. Whatever. No matter how fed-up or whatsoever. I'll continue living. Try as best as I could. Just so that I will die and break down into some pieces of ash on Earth someday.

I mean, things don't even make sense to me anymore when I think abt MANY MANY YEARS LATER, the "existence" of me is like nothing but... NOTHING! on this Earth and in the entire history of the Universe. So what the HELL is life all abt!?

If a man lives and dies one day eventually, why would he HAVE to live at all!?
If this Earth is going to be destroyed one day eventually, why create it in the first place!?

And so on and so forth. ONLY GODdamn GOD knows.
Ok I'm a freethinker therefore it's alright for me to say that. But WHATEVER.
Let's just say the God I'm referring to is not say, Jeseus, Buddha or whatsoever. Instead it's just a word (in my own definition) that I use to refer to a certain something, all that reason behind the BIG BANG and all that, I GUESS.

WHATEVER lar. OFF TO HW. (Omg this is making me feel so god-damn SAD as a human. Even when you feel like giving things up you still have to HOLD ON to pieces of yourself, I mean, fragments of a broken you! This is like so HOPELESSLY pissing me off, in a way.)

It's like "So what if you're down!? The world goes on. So what if you're sad!? You still have to study. So what if you feel like dying!? You still have to live on struggling blah blah blah..."

AARGH~!~!~!~~~